Lois:
Keeping expectations real. Most of our fights tend to be about stupid things that really shouldn’t surprise us after all these years – Michael is not going to turn off his phone during dinner, I’m not going to call the pool guy until it fits into my schedule. So for either of us to get mad about something the other one has been doing or not doing since we met – well, what’s that definition of insanity again?
Laughing and holding hands. Not necessarily at the same time – although, hmmm, that might be ideal. Michael and I have always made each other laugh – seriously, I just have to think about this one dance move he does to get me started, and I’m gone. I don’t see how a marriage can last without laughter. Also, we hold hands before we fall asleep at night, which is so grounding and brings us back together after a long day in our own individual worlds.
Remembering why we love each other. Sometimes it’s all about to-do lists and kids and bills. Boring. Not romantic. That’s why we have lots of old photos of the two of us scattered around the house. I made Michael a scrapbook for our 18th anniversary and a video montage for our 30th. Looking at any of those takes us back to the college kids we used to be – now we HAVE them! – and reminds us what an amazing life we’ve had together. And one look at the perm I used to have is enough to get us laughing.
Dear Lois, Amy and Susan….thank you so much for sharing your own personal stories with us. I could see myself in parts of each of your messages and forwarded the article on to my husband in hopes that he’ll read it as well and see that life isn’t always a bowl of cherries. It’s important to realize how good it can be to share this journey with someone…in both good times and bad.
Commitment- to my children. We are both good people and we are always working on it. Divorce is not easy, niether is staying together. He is trust worthy.
Beautiful ladies. Thanks so much for sharing. My husband and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary and I can relate so much to what you all shared. In the end I believe staying married and happy is about finding what works for the two of you. For us, it’s being best friends, supporting each other, and giving each other lots of space to live our own lives (the same way you do with any best friend). I am grateful for my husband every day, even on the days when he makes me crazy with one of those habits that will never change (I hear you Lois!)
Laughter has been the glue in our 25 year marriage. It’s like a secret language, the inside jokes and funny memories we share. I always tell my daughter, ‘marry a guy who makes you laugh’, I did and I’m still laughing!
How true your words are for describing a succesful long marriage of equals.
forever seems like a very long time!
Sisters of Style, Substance, and Soul,
I’ve been a wife since 1968, three times now. When I met my present lovely husband, at 57, I said, “I’m looking for a playmate!” We do have different needs and wants at different times in our lives. I work to never take him for granted and to appreciate everything he does. We laughed and laughed this morning, and I said “Thank you!!!” He was attempting to rid the attic of the resident raccoon mom and babes … with lights, loud music, and slingshotting moth balls at them! So … he was making love to me with moth balls! Yes, they left!
My rule about fighting is I don’t … unless it is immoral, unethical, or illegal. So, the neighbor’s house didn’t used to be the shade of pink I said it once was … who cares?
I cheerfully admit I manipulate the man shamelessly, to get what I want. Perhaps the secret is to KNOW what you want. I want a happy, healthy, fun, sexy, loving relationship. With a man I respect, and one who cherishes me.
It’s good to be 67! I have perspective (when you hit the valleys, you know the peaks will arrive). And I know what is important for me, for us, for our children. As for the rest of the stuff, I know my Mom was right. “This, too, shall pass.”
LOVE YOU THREE! Thank you for sharing your personal lives with us. <3