Let Them
I’m a big fan of Mel Robbins. After listening to her podcast on “The Let Them Theory”, I added the book to my ‘booket list’.” Recently I was going through a difficult season in which a lifelong friendship had ended abruptly, and I was definitely in a grieving process. There didn’t seem to be anything I could do that wouldn’t compromise my ethics or authenticity. I felt like my hands were tied. I didn’t know what to do or how to “fix it”. Then I remembered Mel’s words from her podcast, “just let them”. I downloaded the audiobook on Audible and, before I knew it, I was listening to it for the second time.
At first, I thought it would just help me process what was going on with my friend. But it did so much more.
I’ve always prided myself as someone secure—someone who didn’t care what others thought of me. But reading this book made me see that couldn’t be further from the truth. That realization cracked something open inside me. It gave me an opportunity to challenge myself, to step outside of my comfort zone, and to be more authentically (and unapologetically) me.
Throughout the book, Mel shares her own struggles—times when she let the opinions or actions of others cause stress and self-doubt. She talks about when she was first starting as a motivational speaker. She didn’t want to tell anyone because she was afraid of what they might think—afraid they’d say she was copying others, or that she didn’t have enough expertise.
I stopped to think of what a different trajectory her life might have taken had she ultimately let those feelings dictate her actions. She may never have gone on to become the acclaimed speaker and bestselling author she is today. And countless people—myself included—might not have been impacted by her work in the way we are now.
That story hit home for me. As I begin this next chapter as the editor of this blog, I’ve wrestled with similar doubts. I’ve wondered if people will question my ability, or think I’m not an experienced enough writer. And I’ve let that fear hold me back.
But The Let Them Theory has helped me realize something crucial: people will have opinions no matter what. I can’t stop them from judging or doubting me. But I can stop those opinions from halting my progress.
Letting them is only half the story. The other half? Let Me.
Let Me
This is where the freedom comes in. Once I let other people have their opinions—once I stop feeling responsible for how they see me—I can release that hold it had on me. And in that space, I have the freedom to choose what I want to do next. Without fear. Without limits (or at least, only the limits I choose to set for myself).
I can let them say I’m not experienced enough.
And I can let me put in the work to become the best writer I can be.
I can let them have opinions about my career.
And I can let me follow my passion and live life on my terms.
And it’s not just about letting go of other people’s opinions of me. I also found myself learning how to show up better for my friends and family—by letting them be their authentic selves, too.
Mel shares a story about her son Oakley and his friends wanting to go to a taco bar for dinner on prom night. She felt they should go somewhere “nicer” and started frantically searching for a last-minute reservation at a fancy restaurant. But then her daughter said something that stopped her: “Mom, if Oakley and his friends want to go to a taco bar for pre-prom, let them.”
It occurred to Mel that maybe twenty teenagers packed into a small taco bar in the pouring rain might be their favorite memory of prom night. She realized she needed to let them have that experience—on their own terms.
When you let others show you who they are, and what you mean to them, they will. As Maya Angelou famously said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” ‘Let Me’ is about the actions you choose to take in response to what you’ve learned. As Mel writes in the book, “other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.” That’s the beauty of ‘let me’. You— and you alone— get to decide how you allow others to impact your actions, your life, your mental health, and your future.
And that’s true freedom.
“Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.
Let them— and then you get to choose what you do next.” Mel Robbins, “The Let Them Theory”
