The Money Moms on Having “The Talk” With Your Aging Parents

No one wants to kiss their hard-earned money good-bye, but your aging parents’ healthcare costs can wipe out their — and possibly your — savings pretty quickly. Here are some tips from the Money Moms, Lynn N. Buchholz CFP ® and Sharon Rosen Leib, Esq., on why it’s important to plan for the future now.

Have you had “the talk” yet? Not “the talk” about sex education with your children – but “the talk” with your aging parents about their finances. Much like the pre-teen sex-ed talk, this can be an awkward subject to broach. Yet, discussing financial issues with our parents while they’re of sound mind is a must. Watching the world’s economy take a nosedive doesn’t mean we all have to crash down with it.  By talking with our parents and planning ahead, we may fend off a family financial crisis.

The need to communicate with our aging parents has never been more important, as difficult economic and health care issues plague our society. Elder care, college costs, Social Security, Medicare – these are just a few of the problems. If our aging parents have lost a lot of retirement money in the stock market, how will they pay for skyrocketing health care costs that Medicare doesn’t cover? What if they need long-term care? If we don’t talk with our parents, we don’t know – and if we don’t know, we can’t plan. So, we all need to screw up our courage and talk about the key issues.

The terrible economy does have one upside. It makes discussing our financial worries with our parents (and our children) easier. Isn’t everyone talking about the economy? An honest conversation starter could be, “ Mom, I’m really worried about whether I’m ever going to be able to retire. How about you? Do you worry about your retirement accounts?”  The other positive to starting these conversations is that sharing our worries with our parents (even when family dysfunction exists) may make us feel better.

Some tips for having the talk:

1.  Introduce the subject of finances with your aging parents gradually – especially if you haven’t talked to them about it before. (Don’t spring it on them at the Thanksgiving table!)

2.  Let your parents know that you are interested in respecting their wishes and thus need information about their preferences.

3.  Give them copies of your own important documents and ask them to give you a copy of their documents. At a minimum, ask your parents where they keep their important documents. It doesn’t help to have a will, if no one knows where it is.

4.  Talk to your parents about the economy and ask them specifically how they have been affected.

5.  Sit down with your parents and talk about their long-term goals and preparations – before you actually need to. An emergency situation is not when you want to start this conversation.