The idea of a life measured in kisses is brilliant – and, yet, so natural, it’s sort of shocking no one’s ever thought of it before! What made you decide to write your story as “A Memoir of Kisses?”
The truth is, I didn’t set out to do that. I began writing these pieces — not in any particular order – and, after completing a few, realized there were kisses in each of them. Writing about my first love, Teddy, opened the door to the rest of the stories.
After reading the book, it seems the song is wrong – a kiss is not just a kiss. You have shown how a kiss can mean so many different things. Can you tell us some of the things a kiss has meant to you?
As shown in the book, kisses can mean so many different things. A sealing of an emotional commitment, a goodbye, a tease, a way to thank someone. Kissing your newborn is almost like branding them. “You are finally here, and you are mine. Forever.”
How did you decide which kisses to include in the book?
I chose the ones which stayed in my mind the longest and also, in some way, were part of a transition in my life.
What have been the reactions of any of the kissers/kissees you write about?
So far, all good! Although some of my old friends have yet to read it, and I’m worried they may be let down when they find their kisses didn’t make the cut!
You previously wrote a memoir, Now Breathe, about your life after being diagnosed with breast cancer. Why did you want to write another memoir? What were the different messages you wanted to get across in each?
Now Breathe did not start out as a memoir. It was really my daily writing while I was dealing with cancer. I have been a first-person columnist for many years, writing for newspapers and magazines, and the journal entries were simply a way to take some kind of charge over the experience. A writer friend suggested to me that it would actually be a fine book. I sent it out, and it was published. By the time I was doing readings and meeting readers, I realized the little book had become a friend to many who were going through a similar challenge. With Reading Lips, I again had no plan. I was writing the kiss pieces while working for a newspaper. It was sort of the fun part of my writing day, with no particular goal in mind.
As Editor in Chief of the literary journal Memoir (and) and the author of two memoirs yourself, you definitely are an expert in the field. What do you think makes a good memoir? Who have written some of your personal favorites? Whose would you like to read?
Great question. One that gets batted back and forth all the time. For me, a good memoir may be a story all can relate to which is not always unusual, yet is written in a way that stops your heart. You don’t need to have been the first to climb Mt. Everest in your underpants to have a story to tell. In fact, if you did accomplish that but had no writing skills, it would fall flat as a memoir. A great memoir puts the reader in the writer’s shoes and allows them to feel all of the emotions felt by the author. Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes would be at the top of my list. As far as wished-for memoirs go, I wish I could read my grandfather’s. He died many years ago but, in a box of old photos and papers, I found four letters he wrote in 1949 while in prison. No one in my family (my parents divorced when I was young and my father is no longer alive) can tell me the background of this or even what happened. Perhaps it will be the seed of a novel.
What changes have you seen in memoir writing over time? Has the internet – especially social media – had any effect on the genre, now that people are sharing their personal stories and spilling their guts 24/7?
There are many more memoirs being written that I have no interest in reading. The life story of a teenage singer just isn’t going to do it for me. A memoir written by a reality television star also seems rather redundant.
What suggestions do you have for someone who’s interested in writing a memoir?
Just sit down and begin, and pay no attention to the voice in your head which will be telling you that you can’t tell the truth. You can. Write everything as you remember it. Tell yourself that you will be the only person reading it, which is true unless you decide to share. Then, if you get to the point where you do want to share it, wait. Ponder. If there are things you don’t believe you can share with the world — or your mother — make a second copy with some slight editing changes. But tell your story as only you can.
Do you have another memoir in you? What’s next?
I’m not sure. I’m working on a novel right now about a woman who, at 50, runs away from home. My mother-in-law is afraid it is nonfiction but I am 60 and still sitting here at my desk so she really needs to stop worrying!
Who would you still like to kiss and what do you think you would write about it?!
I would like to kiss a grandchild. And if I ever have one (are you listening, Kira?), I may find myself too busy to write ever again!
Becky says
I was not a youngsther anymore…
All of a sudden, I find myself saying yes to a first date.
After a pleasant walk to the Farmers Market and a glass of wine, we strolled back to the place we had parked our cars.
We said goodnight, we got closer, for a brief moment I had to stand in my toes to give him a kiss on the cheeks. He put his hands on my cheeks and kissed me tenderly in the mouth. That was the best stolen kiss I have ever had.
Susan says
I have found that since I turned 50, got divorced after 25 years, been through menopause, gotten my first tattoo…I have never enjoyed kissing as much as I do now. The one that easily comes to mind is the first time I went out with girlfriends after my divorce….a tall cute burly, youngish (maybe in his 40’s) ex-fireman asked me to dance…as we left the dance floor, he asked if he could kiss me, it was wonderful and the best part was thinking and re-living that one kiss for many weeks after…