Blogger Idol Week 5: All the contestants were paired up this week, and our assignment was to “interview” each other in some way. I was lucky enough to be paired up with the delightful Stacia Ellermeier of Dried-on Milk.
Lois: OMG Stacia, I know I’m pretty much old enough to be your mother but I kind of feel like we’re soul sisters. I mean, we each have a son and a daughter, we’re both obsessed with the song “Royals,” you have a picture on your blog with my friends Janie and Cheryl, and we both have numbered lists of fascinating selfie facts on our About Me pages! We’re like the Laverne and Shirley of blogging!
Stacia: Um, now I don’t know what to say. I was stalking your blog and Facebook page and, dude, you are a celebrity! I’m chatting with a freaking celebrity! A two-time Voice of the Year at BlogHer? How did I never meet you?
Lois: I’m so bummed we didn’t meet there since, looking at your pictures, I think we went to all the same booths. You probably heard me screaming at the Trojan woman who wouldn’t give me the vibrator I won because I changed my answer at the last minute.
Stacia: Ha! They did the same thing to another blogger I had met earlier that day. Douches.
Lois: Really, it was the principle of the thing. Really. Hey, where did you hang out there? I spent a good – and I mean great – half hour on the Serta bed, testing pillows because I can’t sleep any more. Wait! That reminds me they were supposed to send me that pillow.
Stacia: I never hit up the Serta booth but, man, if I knew I could have gotten a pillow, I would have lay down wherever they asked me to. I went to the Butt Paste booth and the ones with booze and free meds for my kids.
Lois: I saw your Butt Paste swag. Nice. I’d like to get some swag from Anthropologie – which is where I’m planning to retire, by the way. Hey, you’re a graphic designer – I bet you can make your own Anthro knock-offs. I just Pin endlessly but you actually make the stuff! Your magnetic Scrabble board is awesome!
Stacia: I know! And, speaking of boards, I love the picture of you standing next to your VOTY post at BlogHer. That, my friend, is awesome!
Lois: I actually tried to steal it because I thought it would be great to have an eight foot tall version to look at on the days when my work feels small. My friends helped me schlep it up to my room and bring it back down to FedEx the next morning but it was going to cost $400 to ship. If I knew you then, I would have thrown it in your car and worried about it later!
Stacia: I would totally have stolen it, too!
Lois: You know, I launched my new blog on the first day of BlogHer.
Stacia: You only started Midlife at the Oasis in July?! WTF?! I hate you. But that’s not true. I’m actually kind of in love with you.
Lois: I’m definitely feeling it, bitch. Ha ha! Sorry, that is so not me but I was trying to be ghetto cool like you. Wow, I’m so embarrassed now. Uh, congrats on Nickmom. What are you going to be doing for them?
Stacia: I’m a contributing writer for their online site. I also did some vlogs that should be interesting because I’m super good at embarrassing the shit out of myself. Did you read my Blogger Idol entry about running over the orange cones at Ava’s school?
Lois: Yes! Hilarious! I’m good at embarrassing myself, too, as you may have noticed. Did you see the picture of me running after the KIA guy, where I look like a snowman?
Stacia: LOL YES! But I want to hear more about you bitch slapping the woman who stole your cab!
Lois: Not my proudest moment but it’s why I relate when you say on your blog that you will cut anyone who steals your stuff. I was in New York, waiting for a cab for like 20 minutes and I finally flagged one down. Just as I was reaching out to open the door, this woman cut in front of me and started getting in! I said, “That’s my cab,” and she said, “No, it isn’t,” and I just slapped her in the face. We were both shocked, but the worst part was that I LET HER TAKE THE CAB because I was so mortified that I had actually hit someone.!
Stacia: OMG! I’M DYING!
Lois: Your turn. What was your “not proudest” moment?
Stacia: Well, it was a total accident but, still, shittiest parenting moment ever. It was a snowy night and I had just gotten off work after a stressful day. I picked up Ava at day care – she was probably 18 months old, and was screaming about God knows what. I was in a pissy mood and didn’t care that she was crying. I slipped on some ice and I fucking dropped her on her head. My heart crushed into a million pieces and I became that hysterical woman. Ava was on the concrete, stunned, and not crying. We got her to the ER and she was fine. But I cried and cried because I dropped my kid on her fucking head. WHO DOES THAT?
Lois: Oh, that must have been horrible. But you know who does that? My husband, who never understood why kids had to be buckled into their strollers. When my son was one, he fell right out, also on to the concrete, and we were up all night, making sure he didn’t fall asleep.
Stacia: Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I’m so glad we were paired up. You are truly the Laverne to my Shirley.
Lois: Aw. I think I’ll change the name of my blog to Dried-UP Milk in your honor.
Stacia and Lois (together): Will you be my roomie at BlogHer 2014
I read this before. It really is pretty hysterical Lois because we all fantasize doing something totally crazy like this. Then when it happens, you are like, “Nah,I did not really just do that.” Loved this
I’m still mortified!
Lois, you crack me up. Still can’t for the life of me imagine you slapping that woman! Love you my friend.
Love you, too, and hope you will get that image out of your head. Oy.