I got a little nervous when, at the beginning of Hope Springs, it was revealed that Kay and Arnold, the couple portrayed beautifully by Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, were celebrating their 31st anniversary – just like Michael and me. I mean, that’s not a common number – or, as Kay herself says lightly, “It isn’t anything special. An off year.” And you know when she says it, she’s not just talking about the number.
I got even more uncomfortable when Arnold ended his nights by falling asleep in front of the Golf Channel. Hmm … was this going to be a cautionary tale for me?
Once Kay and Arnold said “good night” and went off to their separate bedrooms, the similarities ended – thankfully – although I still hung on to every word of this groundbreaking movie that opens up a serious and much-needed discussion for baby boomers in long-term marriages.
Kay and Arnold haven’t had sex in almost five years. They don’t hate each other or treat each other poorly – they really don’t anything each other. They’re stuck in their routines and have simply become part of the furniture to each other.
Although they could go on like this for the rest of their lives, Kay quietly reaches her breaking point – “It’s more lonely to be with someone and not really be with them,” she admits – and signs them up for intensive couples therapy with a renowned doctor across the country. Steve Carell is excellent in this role, and you could hear a pin drop in the audience as he led Kay and Arnold through their sessions. The couple’s silences are deafening – awkward, achingly emotional and painfully realistic.
As Kay and Arnold try to bring sexy back, the movie definitely has its funny moments. But, behind the humor, are two human beings simply trying to find their way back to each other.
From the reactions of the couples in the theater – they laughed, cringed in recognition and reached for each other’s hands – I bet there will be a lot of experimenting at home with the intimacy exercises recommended by Steve Carell’s character. And that’s good.
This is an important movie that is, ultimately, a love letter to marriage. In an era when at least half of couples end up divorcing, this story shows what can happen when you really make the effort.
Just to insure I was really paying attention, the movie ended with a song by Van Morrison who, for Michael and me, truly is “the man.” So I’m taking the movie as a cautionary tale, after all. And to insure us at least another 31 happy years together, I will be taking Michael back to see it.
The movie is now available on DVD, so go rent it! You can read Lois’ interview with Dr. Pepper Schwartz about Hope Springs and sex after 50 here. This post originally appeared on my former blog, StyleSubstanceSoul.com.
I saw this movie yesterday and I loved it. I cried, I laughed and I think anyone married, at any age, and for any length of time will benefit from it. I saw them both on the View and TLJ hardly said a word just as he was in the movie. Their eyes spoke their truths but, eventually they had to yell it out. A real heart wrenching movie which for me was an emotional roller coaster. Loved your review Lois.
Thanks, Madge, and totally agree it was an emotional roller coaster. The two of them are amazing — as always.
Saw the movie with my husband and we liked it!!! We’ve been married 21 yrs and could relate to a few of the scenes. I laughed,
I cried and laughed some more. We tend to take each other for granted. Now we are consciously being more attentive … a touch here, a touch there … a kiss on the cheek … making plans for a vacation to the beach. Life is good.
Sue, so great! Have a romantic vacation on the beach!
Re the movie, “Hope Springs” – I liked the theme of the movie, but walked out in the middle of it. The therapy sessions were okay & a bit comical but then having them go back to their motel room to practice seemed a bit far fetched & unrealistic & embarrassing to me. If you love someone for 31 years, you would be closer in ways they weren’t. I think their therapy practice sessions should have been to go on an adventure or trip that brought them closer together because of perhaps a dangerous happening or something else. I didn’t see then end of the movie so don’t know if it included something like this?
My husband and I just saw the movie on cable. I don’t know how much he really saw as he was mostly reading. He looked up at the part I was roaring with laughter at….the movie theater scene! We’re going on 31 years married. For our 30th last September we took a cruise to the Caribbean islands we had visited when we were first dating. I wrote about it on my blog. It was special but you do go back to your old life when you return home. Here’s to more cruises or just personal time together.