“what they had” movie review

As the original Sandwich Generation, the baby boomers have had a lot on their plates, dealing with both aging parents and aging kids.

What They Had is so real in depicting what that looks like, it almost feels like you’re watching someone’s home movies.

Hilary Swank plays Bridget, who heads to Chicago from California after her brother, Nick (Michael Shannon), calls to tell her that their mother, Ruth (Blythe Danner) is missing. Ruth is suffering from dementia, and she walked out of the house in the middle of the night during a Chicago snowstorm while their father, Burt (Robert Forster), was sleeping.

By the time she arrives, after picking up her daughter, Emma (Taissa Farmiga), from the dorm she’s been kicked out of due to excessive drinking, Ruth is safe and fine but Nick has had enough and decides it’s time for her to be placed in a memory care facility called Reminisce Neighborhood.

Burt refuses to let that happen, saying that he’s her best memory care and “She’s my girl. You can’t take my girl away from me.”

The family drama that ensues is hellish, heartbreaking and, occasionally, hilarious. If you’ve been a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, you know this really is how it is. You will recognize Ruth’s moments of clarity, her repetition of certain words, her misdirected enthusiasm at seeing people for what she thinks is the first time. You will also recognize her family’s good intentions, frustration and sadness.

It’s not surprising to learn that first-time writer/director Elizabeth Chomko is also a playwright. The story often feels like a stage play, with less action and a story that’s more character-driven — which is fine because those characters are richly-layered and complex, thanks to excellent performances by every single actor.

This is a universal portrait of a family being forced to leave the past behind. What They Had, like what they had, is something to treasure.