Girl Talk with Haley Kilpatrick

The middle school years can be some of the most difficult in a girl’s life. There’s so much going on inside — and outside — of their bodies. And, unfortunately, “mean girls” is not just a movie. After experiencing all of that herself, Haley Kilpatrick decided to take a stand and make a difference. She founded Girl Talk, a unique peer-to-peer mentoring program which is changing the lives of young girls for the better. Here’s what she told me about some of the ways girls are helping each other get through their tween and teen years — and thrive.

Girl Talk is such an important, life-changing and really simple idea! Tell us a little about how it works.  

Girl Talk is a fun and inspiring peer-to-peer mentoring program that pairs middle school girls with high school mentors. We are a national organization with Chapters in 40 states reaching more than 30,000 girls. The mission of Girl Talk is simple: to help young girls build self-esteem, leadership skills and recognize the value of community service (and, of course, break the mean girl cycle).           

Why did you decide to start Girl Talk?  

I started Girl Talk to prevent my younger sister from experiencing the same hardships I went through in middle school — feeling left out, your body is changing, not knowing who you are and what you stand for. I wanted my sister and all middle school girls to know that they weren’t alone.

How would your middle school years have been different if Girl Talk existed then? 

I remember feeling very alone in middle school. I even ate lunch in the bathroom! I think that if I would have had a positive high school mentor and a group of girls who I could identify with, I would have held my head higher, knowing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling and experiencing. On the flip side, I know that all that I went through — not having a seat at the lunch table, not being invited to sleepovers, being verbally abused through Instant Messenger, etc — is a part of my story. My personal experience is what inspired me to start Girl Talk. I do not believe in coincidence — just “God winks.”

What were the girls’ reactions when you first raised this idea? 

At the first Girl Talk meeting at my school in Albany, Georgia, I expected maybe 10 girls to show up. More than 80% of the middle school girls at my school came to the first meeting. Girls were very excited to be a part of Girl Talk and hear that they were not alone.

What is a typical meeting like? Is there a lot of interaction between the girls? 

There is certainly a lot of interaction.  The girls usually sit in a circle and it is known that you are 100% accepted just the way you are! Typically, Girl Talk Chapters meet once a week either before or after school for one hour. Each Chapter has an “Anonymous Question Box,” and throughout the week, girls submit questions or topics they would like to discuss. The Leaders choose a topic based on Anonymous Question Box submissions. The topic is introduced through an “icebreaker” to get the girls involved and excited about the meeting’s topic. The rest of the meeting is set up in the following order: Share, Show, Know, Grow and Go. The Leaders “share” by introducing the topic, “show” by giving a personal example, “know” by discussing the issue with the girls, “grow” through listening to others’ thoughts and “go” by leaving the meeting with a weekly challenge (challenging the girls to use what they learned to make a difference and implement in their own lives).

What are some of the main issues the girls talk about? 

One of the major topics for the 2010-2011 school year is Cyberbullying. With Facebook, Twitter, texting –dare I go on — girls are faced with more outlets in which to cyberbully one another anonymously. Other popular topics this year include Gossip, Body Image, Giving Back, Attitude of Gratitude and How to Talk to your Parents.

How has Girl Talk evolved over the years? Have you added partners? With almost 400 Chapters around the country, I would think your personal involvement would have to shift too. Do you get to visit all the groups and meet the girls?

Girl Talk is constantly evolving!  It’s a full time job trying to remain “relevant” to middle and high school girls. We have added partners over the years whose mission is parallel to ours. Our three main partners are The Century Council who helps provide us with facts, data and fun activities to educate girls on the dangers and consequences of underage drinking, Miss Teen USA (Girl Talk is her charitable alliance) and WNBA’s Atlanta Dream with whom we host a huge sleepover on the basketball court.

My personal involvement made its “biggest” shift last August. Since 2002, I was wearing most of the hats. You name it, I did it!  I was Executive Director by day, and janitor, accountant and IT girl by night!  Last August we hired our Chapter Coordinator and my position shifted more towards development. I realized the only way to sustain Girl Talk for years to come was to put on my big girl panties and ask people to donate!  As a self-professed introvert, it was a huge challenge to move from behind my desk to “making asks” to incredibly important individuals!  I’ve found that it is easy to talk about things you are passionate about, and it’s been fun! We will be launching a $5 million capital campaign at the beginning of the year to endow Girl Talk. Fun!

I wish I got to visit all Chapters! We simply do not have the budget to do so. We are so proud to say that we value being cost-efficient and stretching any donated dollar as far as we can. Our annual operating budget is $250,000 (only $4 per girl each year!). I do get to Skype with girls, communicate through our Leader Login site and meet many of them at our summer camps (Project Inside Out).

Have the groups – or the topics — changed since you started in 2002?  

Girl Talk Chapters are constantly popping up and that keeps me inspired! We just had our first Chapter in Hawaii start this past week. We do add to our curriculum when needed.  For example, we’ve recently added “The Dangers of Texting & Driving” to help middle school girls start thinking about it now. Girl Talk Leaders learn through teaching and by encouraging younger girls not to not text and drive. They must hold themselves accountable, too.

I love the idea of girls helping girls, and think that may be the only way to end the “mean girls” cycle. Have you seen that actually happening in some way? Please say yes! 

Absolutely!  This is precisely why I started Girl Talk.  Young girls are so influenced by their slightly older peers. I thought a program where high school girls communicate positive messages to middle school girls was so needed. I can tell you that it is working!  Girl Talk teaches life skills, character development and community service at the time when young girls establish who they are and what they stand for.  This is why I am so confident these young girls are going to break the mean girl cycle! I also believe the real proof will be in their future daughters because mothers have the power to break and/or encourage the cycle too!

What’s been the most surprising thing you’ve seen happen in the groups?

83% of our middle school girls are choosing to be Girl Talk Leaders! When I started Girl Talk, it was to help middle school girls. The girl to mentor ratio was one mentor for every 10 middle school girls and today our national average is one mentor for every three girls! We quickly learned that the high school girls – the Girl Talk Leaders — get just as much, if not more, out of the experience. So today we are proud not only to be a mentoring program for middle school girls, but also a leadership development program for high school girls.

Can you share one or two anecdotes about specific conversations or events that showed you how important Girl Talk is to the girls involved in it?

It’s so hard to choose!

One of my prouder examples is about a middle school girl who had a very hard time at school. She was constantly made fun of and the girls did not get her. Through Girl Talk’s community service projects, she was able to gain a “bigger” perspective on life and what’s really important. She went on to become a Girl Talk Leader for four years and now, as a college student, she works with CARE. She later told me that it was the community service aspect of Girl Talk that got her through middle school and helped her choose her career path. She said that giving back showed her what “real problems” were, and she knew that if all she had to worry about was being made fun of, she was lucky! She’s now considering joining the Peace Corps. How amazing is that?

One of the more intense examples was when I received a note from a Girl Talk girl who thanked me for starting Girl Talk. Without Girl Talk she would have never been able to open up to her Girl Talk Leader about the fact that she had been “cutting” herself for the past two years and was suicidal. Her Girl Talk Leader helped get her the help she needed to get better.  I can’t help but think what could have happened had she not had a peer mentor she trusted.  Inspiring stories like these make it clear that Girl Talk does make a difference in lives.

What’s been the most rewarding part of this for you? 

As the “first” Girl Talk Leader, I have witnessed firsthand how Girl Talk changes lives.  Mine has been forever changed for the better. As a high schooler, I learned so much through teaching middle school girls about what to do and what not to do. I felt the need to walk the walk and talk the talk!  Through that, I discovered a love of community service and giving back through our Chapter community service projects. Perhaps most importantly, I mended my broken “middle school” heart. I was able to talk through my experience with my younger peers and allow my story to be an example to show them they are not alone.

What is your ultimate goal for Girl Talk, and how can we all help you reach it?

My ultimate goal for Girl Talk is to reach all middle school girls. There are more than six million in the United States alone. We want to help build self-esteem through our weekly meetings, but also help them gain a worldly perspective through community service. Our girls completed just over 312,000 hours of community service last year!  These young girls will change our world and it is my hope that Girl Talk will inspire them to change it in a positive way by simply caring about each other and needs of their communities – and the world! 

On a personal note, I understand you’re getting married in October – congratulations! 

I am so blessed to have met someone who believes in me more than I do!  He is amazing. We are getting married on 10.10.10 in a small Seaside, Florida Chapel ceremony. It’s going to be a wonderful day.

This post originally appeared on my former blog, StyleSubstanceSoul.